Last Words
by chandeleerluvsduckies
Summary: What really happened to jason and why he wasn't ready to love macy back.


I had tried to explain it to her, but she hadn't understood

I had tried to explain it to her, but she hadn't understood. I sat. I was so awed, and so unprepared for what had just happened. I had thought now that I was back that she would get back with me. She was always the one who needed ME; I had never thought I would need her. It all flashed back to me. I remembered every second of that awful point in the party where it had all happened.

She turned her back on me and I saw her eyes change. She looked over to the boy whose chiseled chest and muscled arms would probably have any girl drooling. I was surprised to see her eyes change from the caramel color they usually were to shining so brightly that you couldn't see the wonderful sweet color of her eyes. I saw her walk over to him and whisper something in his eyes. His puzzled look and hurried response just made her smile widen. I grimaced, she was trying to make me mad and I wouldn't deal with it. If Macy was into these stupid games then we would simply have to be over. Then she grabbed his face and kissed him. She looked like she was going to melt. He didn't pull away and the stupid caterers who had already spilled a couple meatballs on the Oriental rug now made swooning noises behind me. I was appalled. She was not only kissing in public, but some guy she had never met. From behind me I hear the girl with the scars on her face say, "Well Macy and Wes were always perfect for each other. I have been waiting for that all summer."

When I had heard that I had set down my cup of grape juice and had walked straight out of the building until I reached home. I quickly pulled on some nightclothes and now here I was- lying in my bed. I laid in shock staring at my blank white ceiling mouth open, eyes blank. I had gotten that email and I had freaked. I hadn't meant to. I didn't know how to explain that I was scared of going too far, scared of falling for someone that hard. I hadn't been ready to love someone yet. I should have just told her then, told her what had happened to me, but I had been scared of that too. I realized too late how that letter must have sounded, how she would have thought that I didn't like her because she said "love." The truth is I did love her, or I thought I did. The bigger truth was I needed to breathe and sort out my past and present before committing my life to that amazing girl. That kiss had killed me. I unwillingly flashed back to that time:

_I was lying in my bed feigning sleep when it got really bad. There was a huge slamming noise and my mom cried out, "no Richard, NO!" There was a slamming door and I heard my dad's car pull away. I got up and crept down stairs. I saw my mom lying on the ground sobbing and bleeding. I ran up to her and tried to clean her up. She struggled to push me away and turned onto her side, and that's when I saw it: there was a slice out of the side of her head and blood was gushing onto the tile she laid on. I screamed and ran for the phone. After dialing 911 I ran back to my mother's side and asked her, "What happened mum? What happened?"_

_She whispered, "Richard, Richard. I love you. We could have been together. I only held onto you because I couldn't lose you," I thought she must have been delusional and trying to talk to my father who was long gone by now, "Richard. I love you, never forget that," suddenly she turned to me and her eyes snapped into focus, "Jason, I love you. Find your father. Tell him I'm sorry. I should have been able to let go."_

_Later that night she lay in the hospital. I hadn't heard a word from her all night and her eyes had stayed shut. I sat silently and I hadn't dropped one tear. I had simply sat, fingers crossed praying to a god that I didn't believe existed. All of a sudden here was a rapid beeping noise and the recently bumpy green line got straighter and straighter. Two doctors rushed in and yelled commands, a nurse and another doctor showed up in a minute. They surrounded my mother and felt her pulse and did things I had never seen on doctor T.V. shows. One looked forlornly at me and said, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I don't know if we will be able to save her," he started to cry and then I couldn't hold it anymore. I was sobbing. I couldn't see through my tears and I screamed with the pain. I knew what I had to do. I walked over to my mother's side and the doctors all stepped away. I leaned over her and said, "he forgives you mom, he forgives you," And there was a long loud beep before one straight green line. _

Since then I had been adopted by my only remaining relatives, my aunt and uncle who had never had any children. I had never told anyone what had happened. I had never seen my father again. All I ever remembered truly were the words, "I love you," and hearing them one more time had scared me beyond repair. 


End file.
